Facing fear

|Photo by SomeDriftwood|

When I graduated from high school (waaaaay back in 1998) I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I think that's a fairly common feeling for a 17 year old but, for me, that feeling seems to have clung on for dear life. I worked as a receptionist for a few years and when I decided I couldn't do that anymore, I found a college program that I thought I'd enjoy and would excel at. Turns out I picked well (Library & Information Technology) and I have enjoyed my career in libraries but there's always that little voice at the back of my brain telling me I should be doing "more." The trouble is, I don't know exactly what this "more" is and the thought of making major change at 31 frankly scares the crap out of me. It's funny because in my early twenties I was all about change; I moved to a different province, I flew across the world to work in Afghanistan, I met the man I'd marry, we moved again, and again, and again. So, what's different now? Has stability made me wary? Am I more cautious because I'm a mother now and I have a daughter to look after?

There are lots of things I *could* do. I could go back to school, but what would I study? I could start my own business, but what about the financial instability? We could move across the world, but what about our families? That "BUT" has paralyzed me. How do you figure out what your life's ambition should be? How do you know what you'd not only be good at, but be GREAT at? How do you decide which changes are worth the leap and which aren't? I certainly haven't figured it out, but maybe you have?


So, tell me your stories. Share your wisdom. Have you made a big life change? What steps did you take to overcome your fear? Was it worth it? I'd love to hear it all.

Healthy, wealthy, and wise

Happy New Year all! I hope you had an excellent Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Festivus and that 2012 brings great things.

I try not to do resolutions per se (not a fan of the word), BUT I do have a few goals for the new year. Well, it's really just one time worn phrase but I think it fits well with the way I envision 2012 - to be healthy, wealthy, and wise.

Healthy

Emotionally, mentally, and physically. This means better foods (unprocessed as much as possible) and continuing with the two activities I really enjoy - swimming and Ukrainian dancing. I'm planning on growing a vegetable garden for the first time ever and can't wait to see what it will yield. I need to take care of me so that I can take care of my family.

This means being content with my lot in life (more on that in the "Wise" portion) and showering the important people in my life with happiness and love.

Wealthy

A. and I do have savings and retirement plans in place but we could be doing better. One of our priorities is to travel and we plan to save more to make that happen. We also need to stick to a budget and spend waaay less on food. Going to the grocery store every day for meal specific ingredients is not a way to save money. With any luck, our vegetable garden will be a big help on this front in the summer. 

Wise

While I may not be going back to school any time soon, I intend to read about and research topics that interest me. I took an International Relations course when I lived in Vancouver and really liked it. Have I done any reading on the subject since then? Not really.

I need to realize my limitations and focus on what I excel at. There are so many incredible and inspiring people doing amazing things that it's difficult not to compare my achievements with theirs. The thing is, those are THEIR achievements and I'm sure there are things I've accomplished that many people haven't (eg. working in Afghanistan!). Am I a good cook? I like to think so. DIY? Maybe not so much. I will continue to try new things (lord knows I have enough projects on Pinterest) but I'm going to try really hard not to beat myself up if I don't get something perfect.

A. and I both have cases of "the grass is greener" and I plan on concentrating on and being happy with what we have RIGHT NOW. We miss Vancouver, want to live in Ontario, our house is too big, our yard is a mud pit. Maybe I can be happy with living in Calgary (close the the majority of both of our families) and the fact that we have a beautiful new home. It may not be magazine worthy but it is ours and it works for our family.

There was a great post on Apartment Therapy about Pinterest fatigue and loving the space you are in and I completely agree. It helps that we are finally starting to personalize the space (after a year!) by hanging art and it was great to get back to our own home after our Christmas holiday. It was a nice feeling, walking in the door and realizing how much I love our home. Absence does make the heart grow fonder.

Do you have any goals for 2012?

Two years later...

Wow! I can't believe it has been two years since my last post! A lot of big events have happened since April 2008 and I've come back many times wanting to write about them but haven't been able to find the right words. Perhaps that is a sign that I should shut this thing down for good but, for now, I will update in point form.

• The move to Calgary went well aside from the crazy ice storm we drove through.
• A. and I got married on August 30, 2008 in my Mom and Step-Dad's backyard and it was awesome. Unfortunately, it rained but it held off long enough for us to have the ceremony in the yard.
  

• After the wedding we took a minimoon to Kimberley, BC and then a 7-day Western Caribbean cruise. Both were fantastic and on the cruise we fell in love with Isla Roatan, Honduras. Hopefully we can go back one day.
  

• In November 2008 we bought a two bedroom condo in SE Calgary. We were very excited to finally have a guest room but about one week later we found out that the guest room would actually be a nursery because I was pregnant!
• Our precious baby girl M. was born on July 13th, 2009 and has been filling our lives with joy and delight since then! I am reallllly not looking forward to the day I have to return to work.

That brings us up to date. You'd think we'd be perfectly happy with life as it is but, if you know us, you know that's never the case. :)

After living in our condo with an infant for nine months we decided that our place is way too small for our growing family so we've decided to build! We are staying in the same community because we like the amenities and we have friends here so it won't be a hard move. It has been an incredibly fun process so far - I've always wanted to design and decorate my own home - and we get excited every time there is a change to our lot. We should be moving in October.



As for this summer, it should be a little less hectic than the last two. We are planning on taking a two week road-trip, M.'s first, out to BC to visit friends and taste wine. I can't wait!

The times, they are a-changin'

I apologize for letting the posting fall off but things around here have been insanely busy. There are many new, exciting and scary things going on right now and most of them are occurring simultaneously.

#1. I resigned from my position at CILS. As much as A. and I love Vancouver and as loathe as we are to leave our friends, we had been thinking for quite a while about leaving the city and moving closer to family. A.'s family is in Kingston and we investigated the job market around Toronto but weren't able to get any interest so we turned to Calgary. 5 years ago when I left I swore that I would never return but 5 years is a long time and people tend to change. Needless to say, I'm not the same person now that I was at 23 and being so isolated from family was starting to take it's toll.

I sent out a few resumes, had a few interviews and ultimately accepted a library technician position at the National Energy Board. I start in my new job on April 21st so A. and I, along with the help of my mom and step-dad, are packing up and driving over the mountains on the 17th.

#2. Leaving Vancouver also means that we are in the midst of selling our condo. At various points in the past two years we had discussed selling and getting a bigger place but always decided that we liked our current home too much. However, with the move and seeing as we didn't want to be landlords, we didn't have much choice but to sell. I must say that signing my name to that contract was harder than I ever thought it would be. I bought that place on my own at the age of 23 and it was the first place that A. and I lived together. A lot of memories are wrapped up in 527 sq. ft. and it will be hard to leave it behind.

#3. I am also finishing up the International Relations course that I have been taking at Langara and am dealing with all the stress that course work brings. Writing my term paper was an exercise in itself and I still have a final exam to study for.

#4. As you saw in the previous post, A. and I got engaged on March 26. We were driving back to Vancouver from Calgary and because we had left Revelstoke so early in the morning we hit the Fraser Valley at about 1:30pm. It was a gorgeous day and we had been driving for so long that we wanted to stop somewhere and go for a walk to stretch our legs. I saw the sign for Harrison Hot Springs and suggested it because I had never been but always wanted to. I told A. that we would head in that direction and if it was too far we would turn around and come back. (Turns out he had been looking for a nice place to stop all day.) We parked near the lake and took a short walk on the path to see the source of the hot springs. On the way back I had stopped to take some pictures of a lovely moss covered stream and when I turned around A. was on one knee in the mud with the ring box open. I had thought that I was prepared and ready for the proposal but I was still completely blown away. I nodded yes, we both started crying and the rest is history.

And that brings us to the planning for the wedding...

Bacon...

food of the Gods! One question though - fat back, what the heck is that?



Seen on Dooce.

Year in Review

What did I accomplish this year? Let's take a look back.

• Took a lot of day trips: Belcarra, Leavenworth, Whistler, Seattle, Buntzen Lake, Steveston, Victoria
  
• Went to Washington, DC
  
• Joined Weight Watchers and lost 20lbs
  
• Had gallbladder surgery
  
• Went camping & wine tasting on the Island and went camping at Alice Lake
  
• Discovered Facebook and reconnected with old friends
  
• Bought a car
  
• Participated in my first AIDS walk
  
• Attended the weddings of Rob & Jen and Brody & Nichole (and unfortunately missed two weddings because of surgery)
  
• Posted every day in the month of November
  
• Became obsessed with Etsy and more interested in home design
  
• Attended the International Friendly between the Vancouver Whitecaps and the LA Galaxy in which David Beckham played
  
• Celebrated my 2nd anniversary with A.
  
• Read 30 books
  
• Had great fun with good friends
  

Here's to more of the same in 2008! Have a happy and safe new year!

Oh happy day...

Happy Anniversary A.! It's been two wonderful years - here's looking forward to many more...

I've been bad

It's been so long since I posted that I'm having a hard time coming up with something to write.

I had a fairly busy summer which included having gallbladder surgery and buying a brand new Mazda 3 with A. We also went on our first solo camping trip together, attended the wedding of some good friends and saw a lot of great films at the film fest. Now we are looking forward to going to Calgary in December for my cousins wedding and Christmas!

Until I can come up with something more to write I will list the books I have read since my last update.

9. The Coffee Trader by David Liss

10. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix by J.K. Rowling (a reread)

11. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by J.K. Rowling (reread)

12. Confessions of a Shopaholic by Sophie Kinsella (reread)

13. Shopaholic Takes Manhattan by Sophie Kinsella (reread)

14. She's Come Undone by Wally Lamb (reread)

15. Summer Sisters by Judy Blume (reread)

16. Bookends by Jane Green (reread)

17. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling

18. Mr. Maybe by Jane Green (reread)

19. Bloodletting and Miraculous Cures by Vincent Lam

20. First Among Sequels by Jasper Fforde

21. Night by Elie Wiesel

22. The Hidden Diary of Marie Antoinette by Carolly Erickson

23. A Long Way Gone by Ishmael Beah

24. In Cold Blood by Truman Capote

25. Secrets from the Vinyl Cafe by Stuart Mclean

26. Atonement by Ian McEwan

Life in point form

• Home safe and sound.
  
• Had an excellent visit with A.'s parents (also went to Peterborough & Ottawa.)
  
• Saw a lot in DC - the pictures are up at Flickr.
  
• One of our favourite stops was the International Spy Museum. Very, very cool.
  
• Stayed at the Adams Inn, a fantastic B&B in the Adams-Morgan neighborhood.
  
• I'm addicted to Facebook.
  

That is all.

The mysteries of Philadelphia

Unfortunately the blogging spirit isn't strong in this one at the moment but I do have a book to add to the list.

Before I get to book number six there are a few points about The Lovely Bones that I wanted to mention that were discussed at our book club meeting this past Sunday. Overall, I loved the book and wouldn't hesitate to recommend it to people however, there were some flaws. The thing I had the biggest problem with was the "fall from heaven" sex scene. If you haven't read the book I won't say much more than it caught me off guard and kind of interrupted the flow of the book for me. Several people mentioned that the characters were basically just two dimensional outlines and, while I agree in some respects, I also think if Sebold had tried to flesh them out any further the book would have been a lot longer than it was. This was an incredibly emotional read and I think this is why I enjoyed it so much - I let myself be immersed by the story rather than thinking about the details too much.

Once I finished reading The Lovely Bones I moved on to Wonder Boys by Michael Chabon which I received as a Christmas gift. I really enjoyed the movie version (even with Tobey Maguire) and have wanted to read the book. While most of the story was similar to the movie there were large chunks, as with any adaptation, that were left out. I especially enjoyed the Passover scene with his in-laws and the "rescue" of James Leer from his family. This is one of the rare times where I don't have a definite opinion on whether I liked the movie or the book better - both were highly entertaining and I will return to both again in the future.

*****

A. and I leave for our holiday on Monday and we couldn't be looking forward to it more. We will spend time with his parents and then we are heading into the States for a 5 day road trip. If anyone has been to Philadelphia or Washington, DC and has any suggestions of things to do or see or restaurants with fantastic food, please leave a comment.

*****

We have spent an obscene amount of time watching the first three seasons of 24 and A. is now hooked. I think I've created a monster.

*****

I took a bunch of pictures of the condo and posted them on Flickr. If you have a good eye for furniture arrangement or have any organizational ideas, please comment on the photos or let me know.

To cap off the year

It's a little late I know, but I did manage to read one last book before the end of 2006.

Book 25 was Angels and Demons by Dan Brown. I had heard from several people that this prequel to The Da Vinci Code was the better of the two books and I agree with that sentiment to a point. Angels and Demons was definitely not as adjective heavy as The Da Vinci Code but both books had interesting stories and characters and both were easy to read. At a time when life is so busy and at times overwhelming, it was nice to be able to escape in some easy reading.

*****

I was a little surprised by how few books I managed to get through in 2006. Hopefully, with the help of our little book club, I will be able to discover some fantastic books this year and get back on track. That is one of my resolutions for this year.

Speaking of resolutions, I've made them in the past but have always made them vague enough that I didn't feel too bad if I didn't achieve them. While I decided that I wasn't going to make resolutions this year, there are a few goals that I'd like to work towards, specifically:

• Get on track with losing weight - eat more veg, less carbs and make a concerted effort to exercise.
  
• Be a better housekeeper - put the laundry away as soon as it is done.
  
• Make use of all of the cookbooks I have and make more interesting meals.
  
• Go on at least 5 hikes this summer.
  
• Attend more concerts and see friends more often.
  

Snow Day #2

The college is closed for a second day in a row which means I get to stay home. Yesterday was Wonderfalls and baking my Amma's chocolate chip cookies, today will probably be Pride & Prejudice and banana bread. Frankly, I'm starting to get bored and antsy - especially since I know there is a lot to be done at work.

But first, I WILL finish the book that I have been reading for the past three months - this is madness.

The end of an adventure

I've been told that I was remiss in not posting photos of the completed renovation so I give those to you now. Everything looks pretty much the same as it did before except the carpet is slightly darker. I want to thank everyone for their kind words during this ordeal - it has helped immensely.






The complete set of Flood '06 pictures can be found here.

Sexiest Man Living

People magazine has chosen George Clooney as this year's Sexiest Man Alive but is he really? The folks over at Salon seem to think otherwise and, while I do think George Clooney is attractive, I tend to agree with their choices.

******

In other news, we moved back in last week and everything is back to normal. The walls are freshly repainted, the carpet is lovely and soft and it feels so good to be back home.

And we've got progress

Things are finally coming along and it looks like we'll be able to move back in sooner than expected. The paint is dry, the vinyl is in and the carpet is supposed to be installed tomorrow. I can't even say how much I'm looking forward to being back in my own condo. All this for a new washer and dryer...

Leaves changing in autumn blues

Do you ever get that feeling, as the seasons change, of an overwhelming sense of blah? Like nothing seems to be going your way and you're not sure it ever will? I've been feeling a little like that lately - work is blah, the condo is blah and I've been bored and antsy. One day I'll be excited that we are going to be getting a new custom made closet and the next day I'll be having an anxiety attack over the amount of money A. has shelled out and how much we still have to pay for.

Every time I go over to the condo I just get frustrated at the lack of work done and at how dirty everything is. Trying to deal with Meloche and get them to send us a cheque has been one of the most frustrating experiences of my life. I've worked at an insurance company before and know that sometimes things take awhile but when it's been a MONTH and there hasn't been any action I have to wonder what kind of people they have working over there. I realize that my $18 a month policy is but a tiny fraction of their book but I have sent a lot of business their way and have had policies with them for the past 8 years. You'd think customer loyalty would be rewarded but apparently not.

On top of it all, I really want to go away with A. but we can't afford to go anywhere. We can't afford to visit either of our families and for the first time ever, Christmas will be spent in Vancouver on our own.

I make it sound as if all of this is the end of the world when in reality I'm just having a pity party for one.

What are your coping strategies for the fall blues? Any suggestions for exciting things to do on the cheap?

Pandora

I realize that I'm probably behind the curve on this one but I recently discovered Pandora.com and I'm loving it! I like listening to music at work and most of the time my station of choice is CKUA, a listener supported radio station out of Edmonton, but occasionally I like to listen to music that I know and this is where Pandora comes in. I've created stations based on some of my favourite artists from different genres such as Hawksley Workman, Belle & Sebastian, Edith Piaf and Loudon Wainwright III and Pandora then creates a custom station of other artists based on similar musical characteristics. You can also create stations based on a song you like rather than just an artist. If you haven't already tried it I suggest you do.

Listen: Hawksley Workman radio

******

As for our condo issues, things are moving slowly and when we stopped by the condo on Sunday the carpet was still half torn up, there were still giant gaps in the drywall and nothing else had been done.

Our temporary accomodations are working fine for now but we'd both rather be home. Hopefully things will start moving along and we won't be out for too much longer.

******

On the reading front, I've completed several books that I need to write about and after I'm done my current one I'm going to move on to some International Relations non-fiction. I'm contemplating possibly doing a correspondence degree in International Relations from the University of London so I thought I'd do some reading first to see if it's something I'm actually interested in it.

Any advice on taking courses by correspondence or on the usefulness of an IR degree would be appreciated.

Flood '06

This has been an interesting week to say the least. A. and I had purchased a new washer and dryer team that was supposed to be delivered this past Friday. In order to have time to clean the closet and get ready for the new appliances we hired an appliance company to come in on Tuesday and take away the old ones. Our old washer and dryer isn't a standard apartment stacker but two separate pieces with the dryer mounted on the wall. In the process of removing the dryer they knocked the sprinkler on the ceiling and set off the alarm and the fire suppression system in our unit. There was water everywhere and the guys stood there useless while I ran around in a panic. Our unit wasn't damaged that bad (the flooring will be replaced and they've cut out several sections of drywall) but the unit below us has to be entirely gutted. Thank god for insurance!





We've spent the past couple of days living in hotels, dealing with our insurance company and packing all of our stuff so we could store it in our rented storage locker. It's been busy and emotionally trying but we've gotten through it together and now we have a new place to live. I spent most of Friday morning looking on the 'net for rented short-term accomodations but everything was booked. I finally found a real estate company that did short-term rentals so we got a place close to Granville Street that will do nicely for the next month. It's not home but it's better than living in a hotel and eating out everyday.

The art of getting things done

I've been incredibly bad about posting anything lately so instead of boring you with long "we did this and then we did that" paragraphs, I give you my favourite time saver - the bulleted list.

• During the long weekend, A. and I rented a car so that we could GTD (get things done). We ended up with a shiny Mazda 6 that we both fell in love with.
  
• Went to IKEA, spent way too much money but ended up with a great half-round gateleg table, two wooden chairs, two folding chairs, and a shoe rack that I have wanted since it came out.
  
• That same night we went to Steveston and had a delicious dinner at Sockeye City Grill.
  
• Woke up early Sunday morning so we could head down to Washington. Spend 1.5hrs in the line at the border.
  
• Stopped at Anacortes because we wanted to head over to the San Juan Islands but the next ferry wasn't for another two hours and it would have taken up the rest of our day so we decided to nix that idea and head down to Seattle. (Pictures here.)
  
• Drove around downtown Seattle looking for a hotel and ended up at the Hotel Monaco.
  
• Did some shopping and then went up the Space Needle.
  
• Had another amazing dinner, this time at The Brooklyn.
  
• Monday morning, went to Pike Place Market for wandering and breakfast. Also saw the first Starbucks.
  
• On the way home we stopped at Alderwood Mall and Seattle Prime Outlets and spent waaaay too much money. Got dinged at the border.
  
• Emma and Laurel hosted a kick-ass "Hobo Reunion" on the 12th at which everyone had a hobo name. Mine was Gnarles Boxcar and A. was Spits McGrifter. People also brough hobosnacks, ours being worms and dirt.
  
• This Saturday A. and I went to Sears and checked out new washer and dryer teams (I love that they call them teams.) We are probably going to wait for Scratch and Save next weekend and go back for the Kenmore front-loaders. Is it sad that I can't wait to do the first load of laundry in the new washer and dryer?
  
• We also lusted over a pair of Movado watches. I love the Rondiro watch.
  

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Books I've read recently

Despite the warnings that other book bloggers have written about, I have waited way too long to write about what I've read recently. I don't really remember characters or what my initial reactions were so here again, is another list.

15. Saturday by Ian McEwan. I'd never read any of his other books but had heard excellent things about this one so I picked it up at Chapters one day. I really enjoyed the story and love the way McEwan can bring a scene so vividly to mind.

16. The Bean Trees by Barbara Kingsolver. I've had The Poisonwood Bible on my shelf of to-be-reads for years but hadn't heard anything about any of her other books. I read this one on the recommendation of A. who said he had really enjoyed it when he was in school. This was a heartwarming tale about the power of family and friendship and I sped through it. An excellent story.

17. The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency by Alexander McCall Smith is another book I have heard a lot of people talking about over the past few years. I discovered that they had it at work so I started reading it on my lunch breaks. The story and the main character of Precious Ramotswe captured my imagination and, like the Outlander books made me want to go to Scotland, this book made me want to visit Botswana. Maybe one day...

18. Morality for Beautiful Girls by Alexander McCall Smith is the third book in the No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency series but I read this one second because they also had it at work. Again, an excellent read with intriguing characters and subplots. I'm looking forward to reading the rest in this series.

Attacking the exercise front

A. and I went to Canadian Tire after dinner last night because I had decided that I wanted to buy a bike with part of my tax refund. I tested a few out, rode up and down the aisles and realized it has been a VERY long time since I've been on a bike - so long that the 16 year old sales boy asked me if I wanted training wheels. Har har. I found one that I liked (mainly for it's pretty robin's egg blue colour) but decided to give it some more thought. Since returning from Afghanistan I've had a hard time justifying spending money. I find that I go shopping with the idea that I want to buy things and half the time I end up talking myself out of it. My reasoning this time was that, although I liked the bike, it was $300 and what if I don't end up using it as much as I should? Then I will have spent $300 and I'd be unhappy with the purchase. So wait it is. If I decide to get a bike I'm thinking I should just go for the $99 Canadian Tire special. We shall see.

After looking at bikes A. tried on some hockey-style rollerblades and zipped around the store. The boy is crazy but seems pretty stable even without the handy brake on the back. He decided not to get them though because his mom had mailed his out from Ontario and they arrived the other day. Probably a good idea to give the old ones a try.

Finally, we stopped in the camping section and checked out tents and sleeping bags. We'd really like to go camping at some point this summer but, not owning any equipment, it will be quite the investment to get everything we'd need. Plus, we have different ideas of what camping is. I'm all for the "load everything you'd need to survive for a week into the back of the car and back the car into the spot" style while A. is more of a "whatever we can strap to our backs and carry 5 km to the site" camper. It's proving to be a bit of a hurdle as neither of us is willing, so far, to try the other's style.

On the topic of camping, does anyone know of any good spots in the Lower Mainland, be it drive-in or hike-in? A. would really like something on a lake so that we can go swimming but I'm thinking that's something we'd have to go to the Interior for.